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life in hyper-drive

there is a dynamic balance between experiencing with full presence and maintaining a sense of history, a basic requirement to live through time. i feel tremendously out of balance. three months without blogging. tragic. i hadn’t missed a month than i missed 2. not good. i was starting to feel like i was in the early stages of losing it but i am feeling like i am getting a handle on it again. it made me realize, or possibly remember, a couple of things. one, my life is a narrative and i don’t really want my story to go that way. time to exert a little editorial discretion and send this story in a more pleasant direction. secondly i realized it wouldn’t be so bad if i did lose it. its not like having it is all that pleasant of late anyway and it would certainly be a new direction. i feel like my life is rushing by with this emotionally engaging frenetic burst all day and then dropping into some weird shell shocked fugue after work. i don’t know what i would do if i had to try to float a personal life. it feels good writing this. i’m gonna try to remember that and get back on putting some stuff out there. theres been a lot going on. i’m doing a group i’m excited about, fostering a dual recovery group, writing a new grant, pushing my people, had folks relapse, go on meds, and get into treatment after years of doing the opposite. its  so crazy. i had a homeless one get a home today though, thats always a good day, but getting fewer. gotta remember every time a homeless person gets housed an angel gets their wings.

Categories: feelings, work
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