Multiconstruct

Hello readers. As 2024 comes to a close it seems like a good time to talk about New Year’s Resolutions. I have been a student of the change process for nearly 40 years and when I decided to write the The Practical Guide to Building a Better World I started the outline on January 1. The timeframe worked out and I liked the symbolism.

I laid out my schedule for the year and got it to the publisher a month early. My success this past year was built in many failed resolutions in the past. The resolution articles I have seen this year have been based on SMART goal planning, mostly recommending being realistic and measurable.

This sound advice is easily found and self explanatory so I am taking a different tack. Most folks fail at resolutions because behavior change is hard. We are driven by historical inertia, habit, and static social structures that ensure that today looks a lot like yesterday and tomorrow won’t be much different.

As a student of the change process I recommend developing a plan that involves, small steps, data tracking, and rewards for progress. I also believe the most meaningful change is through developing moral character. Most moral choices are between the easy thing and the right thing.

Being a good person is a great life aspiration but an inadequate goal because it lacks specificity. It would be better to work on what a good person would do or say. I was called out for taking a sharp time with a young person when I was just frustrated in general. 

As I look to address this an old school behaviorism technique immediately came to mind – ABC Sheets. Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence tracking are a great way to generate data to fuel a behavior change agenda.

First, just tracking negative behavior reduces its occurrence. Knowing you are going to be accountable brings instant improvement.

Antecedents are the factors that come before the target behavior. Knowing the circumstances can help point to patterns and consequently levers where work can be applied to make change.

For me some reflections identified the fact that we were moving houses, we had just returned from holiday travel, and there was a lot of work to be done to be ready. This underlying situational stress definitely played a role as did some personal dynamics that I’m not going into in this format.

More concretely I was also shouting from another room which means I started out yelling. I also realized I was nursing some resentment. The fact I was also bustling around, thinking about tasks, and drinking coffee which are possible factors that could be significant if I tracked the behavior over time.

Reflecting on the specifics of the behavior I would like at my sharp tone and unkind words out of proportion for what I was yelling about. More details can help understand the behavior and ways to shape it into more helpful and friendly communication.

The Consequence is what comes after. Understanding negative consequences can help us remember not to do certain things. We can also identify hidden rewards from the behavior. If I take a sharp tone and people do what I yell about I get rewarded. It’s hard to stop negative behaviors we use to get what we want.

In this case the consequence was I got checked, I apologized and noted my behavior. I tried, not with total success, to be mindful of my tone through the stressful move. I also was able to give a little advance warning of where I was at emotionally, which some found helpful.

Understanding the costs of our behavior or how it is rewarded by getting our needs met can be helpful to identify ways to change those reward systems to better live out our values and be the best version of ourselves.

The biggest issue with behavior change is folks think they can make a big choice and lots of things will be different. Really our life is made up of many many choices we make everyday. Real change is making more and more of those choices that improve our lives and those we share a life with.