Multiconstruct

this week it shifted. i have been tired of struggling, of feeling like i can’t do it and i will soldier on nobly until i am ultimately destroyed is not a good plan for life. this week i consciously decided i would be happy and competent and that as far as it depended on me it was all good. only took a couple of days for that thought to invade my feeling world and by midweek life was good.

today was a challenge. painfully busy, whooosh. i am asked to be in three places. i jam all day without cease and fall painfully behind. my good mood is unassailable  is my motto, my watchwords. I hit the wall when i get home. i go upstairs and change my clothes and i can’t push on to garden, get some exercise, play with the dog. i lay in bed and crush my genre fiction. after much travail and uncertainty even against long odds the protagonist is successful.

it is all good, i’m just tired. so much stuff. then i fight on facebook with the anti-mosque people. i am strident and harsh but don’t delete it, soften it or apologize for it for my Muslim friends. For Allah. Brother John read the Koran and when I asked him to sum it up he said “god is great”. what are you gonna do? Me I’m gonna drink the beverage of the gods and write some poetry, plan on going to bed early, and largely letting it go. I’m gonna write a blog post to hide the poem from casual readers. they don’t deserve to know where i’m at tonight like you do faithful reader:

I’m drinking mead and thinking pensive thoughts

Telling a work anecdote that requires so much exposition

I am left more feeling alone.

I’m drinking mead and thinking pensive thoughts

Wondering why poetry demands loneliness

A melancholy thoughtfulness not devoid of energy.

I’m drinking mead and thinking pensive thoughts

Spark shower madness the electrical cry of the cicada

Humming loud like an electric fence then…

The deafening silence of freedom

Oh that I was trapped here

To justify the loneliness

Honey sweet on the lips

Warm in the belly

Something at least

Fit for the gods.