insomnia

Its 2:30 in the morning and I have been up for an hour. I lay in bed and tried to sleep but without avail. Last night I took a sleeping pill and slept pretty soundly. I started to wake up in the middle of the night but couldn’t fully emerge out of sleep or really wrap my head around the thoughts that were trying to buzz through my head. I slept late and was tired most of the day. I struggled with creative tasks and decided perhaps Trazodone isn’t for me.

Trazodone if you don’t know is a tricyclic anti-depressant, a fairly crappy one but it has this side effect of making people sleep all night. It builds up a level in your system so less problem with tolerance. Its the only sleeper I approve of clinically. Been around forever, well tolerated, few reports of side effects except for grogginess in the am on rare occasions. I took half a 50 mg. Maybe I’ll try 1/4 next time.

If I am groggy I don’t see how it is really helping me. I am pretty focused on what I am doing, hence the sleeplessness and being tired in the day time is the thing that bugs me about sleeplessness. Why should I have that and not the extra hours in the day? So no sleeping pill. When my insomnia was at its worst I quit trying to make myself lay in bed and allow myself to sleep and got up and blogged for an hour and got tired, got some good sleep after, and that was the end of that little cycle. So trying it again.

Where to begin, the campaign goes well. Last week had several meetings including the Professional Firefighter’s Association. That went well my listening skills paid off as well as my knowledge of where the public is at from all this door knocking. I hit 1,300 or 1,400 total yesterday, I can’t remember. My numbers keep going up although I am no longer looking forward to the time change. That extra hour of canvassing not only means more doors it means one less hour to manage my life tasks. Soon door knocking will fade right into follow up calls. Alas.

If it were easy, everyone would do it. It is at least fun and exciting and I like pushing my limits and working hard. I like being outside everyday and watching the sunset. Got some talkers at the doors tonight. Fun older folks. Listened to their concerns, validated what I could and discussed some solutions a bit, mostly they wanted some company. Probably swung a couple of votes from the candy maker. They had signed his petition, hadn’t seen him since. I can’t imagine trying to do this even half way seriously being the parent of small kids. Bigger ones you can put to work. I guess you could strap em in a papoose and bring one along.

I’ve been thinking about some of the parents I met. One guy didn’t come to the door a few days back because he was holding a toddler. I’ve seen lots of don’t ring the bell, baby sleeping signs. I’m not sure its healthy for kids to be the center of the family universe. Your mom ought to love you but you should be kind of on the outskirts looking for your place not having everything revolve around you. You get an unhealthy sense of your own importance I think. My family certainly didn’t revolve around me, especially being 6 of us, 5 after Dennis died.

I am getting more awake, not less. This might be the beginning of my day. This week have a lot going on, next week it gets worse, and so on… Only four though and then the election, and then vacation, and then increasingly likely 3 years of service. A 65 hour week will look like child’s play. I haven’t totaled the hours yet but pushing well past 90 probably over a 100 now. Not uncommon to go from 6 and never get done before 10:30 anymore. All fun stuff though and you have to do one thing after another all day any day anyway. I don’t feel pressured, I feel present in each moment, I just miss the time to process. I think that is what generates the sleeplessness. I’ve never not had it. Never not been able to read the newspaper cover to cover. Today I looked at the headlines on the front and back page. Got to know what’s on people’s minds and follow the local news at least.

City Council was short tonight so stayed for the end so I could see what the whole thing entails. I am curious about the order of voting. I am nervous about my early votes. I will have time to study the agenda and read the materials then that I don’t now. I sat by one of the people who was nice to me at the Chamber of Commerce forum. She talked to me like I was going to win. I think that has become the common wisdom. My opponent who goes to these faithfully and has been as I’ve said getting ready to govern rather then campaigning looked pissed tonight. I heard him venting to the conservative candidate from another ward who I have been friendly with, I think about me. “Going all over town… even went to Jenku’s [longtime former council person from the ward and treasurer of his campaign]”.

Someone helping me experienced in these things said you end up hating your opponent by the end. I don’t. I feel a little sorry for him. Thinking its inevitable, spinning his wheels and realizing he is getting out worked, out spent, and out organized by some guy he’d never heard of who he didn’t think had a chance. He looked pissed tonight and didn’t stop by and pat me on the back and say “hi” as has been his pattern. Everyone is not going to like you and I am going to have to learn to deal with that.

Tomorrow is the EEZ informational meeting. Will be interesting to hear from the state’s perspective. May help me make up my mind on it. Strong reasons to be for it and against it but you can only vote once. Hate to miss an evening on the doors but seems essential. Will at least be back in time for follow up calls. Got a big pile of them now. Wednesday is my campaign event, that should be fun. Yard signs are in, that’ll be cool. Jeff was excited to show them off. I went from work, to doors, to council meeting; rushing to still be late to all 3 and couldn’t get over to get some and check them out.

Tomorrow is another day. I guess. Sometimes I describe my current life as one big day. Its a blur, for sure. We’ll see how I function today on 2 hours sleep. I suspect a site better then I did on 8 today. That way madness lays. But you only get to vote once and I can’t do what I want to do on Trazodone. My work suffered. I couldn’t write creatively for my latest concept paper. I need to do that today or call in sick if I can’t do my work.

Thursday the Home Builders have a Happy Hour. Not only am I walking into what could be a hostile camp but they will all be liquored up too. Fun, fun, fun. Actually I think I will be warmly received. I met a builder, Chamber member, and conservative guy on P&Z last week who was ardent in his support and he knew my positions well as he was at the Chamber forum and we were in a visioning session together and I spoke a lot. I also door knocked the extremely Right wing guy who was there and he also is voting for me and hosting a yard sign. Lives on a busy road too. Sidewalks and common sense no no party.

I had proposed jobs and we all want to live in a good community as our areas of shared interest to build a 3-5 minute speech on. Vicki suggested telling them how they can help me enact my neighbor to neighbor vision for Columbia. It was a great idea and its a beautiful speech. Would like to have it virtually memorized and give it with rhetorical flourish. It’ll be hard to hold a room in a sports bar so I want to boom it and make a clear difference with the other fellows.

Friday is the Mule Skinners Forum. It should be interesting being in a forum with my natural support. Its been a while since the last forum. I am a different person. Well think I will try laying down again rather then turn on the light to find the power cord. To sleep, perhaps to dream…or really, to dream, perchance to sleep. Goodnight faithful reader. Be on the lookout for a change of gears and the second step of Narcotics Anonymous in simple concrete English with all hearing references removed. Man does not live on politics alone.

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: