Multiconstruct

Badger Johnson published a holiday letter style decade recap that I enjoyed very much. I’d been thinking about returning to my annual holiday letter post and since I have a lot of missing time in my blog this last decade I’d try my hand at a decade recap.

I scrolled back to my 2010 recap. I enjoyed reading and seeing how much I’ve forgotten or placed in another time.

The last decade began with me living with Dad, his sickly little dog Myrtle and Oni, a piss hound a homeless guy foisted on us at the Leslie Lane Family Living Center. I was a counselor at Phoenix Programs leading our co-occurring efforts, gardening and cooking and a little melancholic.

I took an epic road trip with John and his dogs to the Everglades and points in between. Awesome trip but I also pinched a nerve and lost the use of my right arm for a while which was a project coming back from. Activated the power of gratitude for the first time.

Myrtle had a heart condition and passed away that summer. Oni pissed my bed one to many times and Dad took her to the pound when I griped about it. We filled our dog shaped hole shortly after with a 4 month old bichon frise’/Cocker spaniel hybrid Dad named Fido.

Fido was Dad’s dog and followed him around. Dad gave him the patience and love he had grown into in his 70s which both made me a little jealous and a little awed to see. Fido is a timid fellow and he had a scared look in his eye for me after I grabbed him up for kitchen pissing once. He never looked at Dad that way as he was slow and gentle and kind. Always.

I liked living with Dad. He came to appreciate and respect me for who I was without me having to change and whoever gets that? I was never a master of the manly arts but living by work and not having a lot going on I became an object of study. One time he said “You know Mick. I’ve been watching you and I see you live for other people. I don’t do that.” What a gift.

Dad had COPD and in Spring of 2011 I took him to Boone Hospital for what I thought would be a breathing treatment but they admitted him. That night he was on a respirator in an induced coma. They woke him up to see if he could breathe without the respirator. He couldn’t. “Breathe or die” he said.

That was hard. I had centered my whole life around him. My family had come in to town but after Betty and Bill left after going out to dinner I came home and said “we’ll Fido, this is all there is now”.

Fido and I were not long on our own as shortly thereafter a former Columbian returned to town when he split with his wife and I rented him a room. I had met Kevin once back in the day when I visited Columbia and we became good friends. My brother John also came to stay for about 6 months because of a series of events.

John is a wonder and he built my first wooden compost bin, dug out my dog waste compost system and built another raised bed in the garden.

But John went back to California and Kevin bought a cute little house on Walnut and it was Fido and I again on our own. I had cancelled Directv after baseball season, as I’d had the baseball package even though Dad had died about 3 games into the season. Biggest wave of grief I had was when the Tigers knocked the Yankees out of the playoffs and Dad wasn’t there to see it.

I should mention in the Spring of 2010 I officiated my friend Amy and Michael’s wedding. My 10th and final, so far, wedding. I also did my first of three, so far, funerals. I didn’t trust any minister to try to shoehorn Dad into heaven or damn him into hell. He’d announced to me he had become an atheist not long before he died. For a backslidden Christian who accepted he was going to hell a long time ago I was proud of him for letting all that bullshit go. “There are no atheists in the foxhole”. Yeah right.

In January 2012 my whole life changed. 10 days before the filing deadline an article in the local paper said no one had filed to run for the Second Ward Council seat. I decided to run and overnight my life changed. I started to think different, dress different, hang out with different people, and do different things.

When I decided to run I suspected my ideology wouldn’t live up to real world practicalities. I decided the employees and residents deserved pragmatic governance firmly rooted in the possible. I distilled my philosophy into 3 points, as is done: Livable Streets (the lack of a sidewalk on my busy street was my piece of anger, to take this crap on you have to be mad about something), Good Government (my handlers negotiated it to Cooperative Governance, but I never pulled that off), and Focus on the Future (a more universal way to describe sustainability).

A conservative and a Libertarian also joined the race. I got great help, raised the most money and won with 45% of the vote.

For two years or so I was the swing vote and it was intense, meaningful and fun. Columbia is an amazing city and I threw myself into it. The first 18 months was an incredible process of learning I can only compare to learning language when your three.

Stormwater regulation, land use, electric, water, sewer, streets, transit, parking, building projects, engineering, finance, solid waste. 20 things at least you could spend your life on and never plumb it’s depths.

On a personal level I went from an introverted putter around the house into a guy who went to everything and worked 10-12 hour days seven days a week for years. I read everything, researched on the side and scheduled tutorials with engineers. I made mistakes and learned and learned.

I decided to accept every invitation that fit in my schedule because I didn’t know what was important. I learned so much and met so many people. I decided to be a Columbia booster and unapologetic cheerleader. I kept my criticism constructive, I hope, and private.

I thought and learned and quickly came to the conclusion if you don’t want a slowly decaying status quo your role is to facilitate development. Pretty remarkable for a guy who sported a “Developers Go Build in Hell” bumper sticker back in the day.

I also learned about loud balancing and capacity and the current limits of intermittent energy sources. Pretty daunting for a former full time radical environmental activist.

Nonetheless I’ve done a lot I am proud of: Strict energy efficiency standards, raised our renewable energy from 5% to 15%, maintained solid reserves through a long series of bad budget years, updated our zoning laws with smarter growth strategies and approved a lot of dense downtown housing. We have done more for homelessness and begun a community land trust with over 20 permanently affordable homes built or in the pipeline.

I also co-chaired a Task Force on Community Violence. It was an amazing 18 month process with a report that is still the accepted way to move forward on race and policing. We were on that path when Ferguson happened and though hamstrung by lack of resources we’ve made an important progress including a ban the box law.

Through it all I had a career. Prior to running for office I had been put out to pasture at work for a notable blow up about my boss at the time and was a Counselor but no longer movingup. As a candidate Phoenix really supported me by moving me to a new position with flexibility and less emotional demands.

For a couple of years I had a “highly flexible low energy job” as my boss put it to compliment my public service. Eventually though I was needed more and became Clinical Director and more intellectually engaged in work.

Right after I kicked off my first reelection campaign I was asked to serve as Interim Executive Director and later got the position permanently.

My life quickly became insane. I told the Board I would be the best 35-40 hour a week Executive Director I could be but the City came first. It never worked that way. I was soon working 50-60 hours and doing Council. Even scaled back it was insane. I had no reserves and knew the wheel was going to come off the cart. And it did.

I should mention Flow who moved in with me in my first campaign to rent a room. What a relief for Fido who I struggled to get home every 6 hours to let him out and get him enough exercise and socialization so he wouldn’t cuddle pitifully around my head when I slept. Flow was a godsend for Fido and the garden until the 2012 drought broke her spirit.

Later John came back to live with me. He and Flow hit it off and I found I was living with a couple. Much to Uncle Mike’s chagrin who had moved into a spare room and had enjoyed squiring Flow about town and such.

John, Flow and I took an epic trip to Dominica. Two weeks around the island was transformative. I remember sitting on a beach totally chill and content wondering why my life wasn’t like that all the time. After letting it all go I couldn’t pick it up again and I came home and quit my job. My Board knew I was struggling and were good about me leaving.

Two days after I left the CEO of a local nonprofit called me to see if I’d be interested in some consulting. That seemed a better fit with Council and I lived on savings while I got the consulting firm going. John and I agreed to partner and we formed AAAAChange, LLC.

Pronounced 4-A-Change it stands for the 4 “A”s of the universal change process: Awareness, Assessment, Action & Accountability. We don’t do a lot of marketing but have done a lot of cool projects under a general heading of facilitated change processes.

We’ve written grants, advised nonprofits and disadvantaged startups, done trainings and moved someone. I’ve done some individual coaching on drinking reduction and working through grief.

Mostly I consult and train with Welcome Home a homeless veteran’s center. It’s been fun to be the in-house expert and really help shape a cool and growing nonprofit but not be responsible for it. We’re getting ready for CARF certification and that is really exciting.

Two years ago John and I bid on a contract with our local Community Improvement District to provide outreach, referral and coaching services for people who are homeless or panhandling downtown. I had created the program when I was at Phoenix but left before it was fully implemented.

John and I thought we could provide a more effective service at a lower cost and we were write. We quintupled the number of documented individuals served and have had incredible outcomes. In 2 years we’ve linked 15 individuals with permanent housing, coached 3 people into long term recovery and reunited 8 people with better situations in other communities.

I trained John on it but he’s made it his baby. We use a radical nonjudgment approach with a solution focus. We are assertive and ultra low barrier. First name or handle and the miracle question: “If you could be doing anything what would you be doing?” Then we step it out and take on step 1 jumping hoops and restoring relationships until it gets done.

I do a little clinical supervision with John and a couple of clients. I don’t do a lot of direct service besides backing up John. I did today looking for an aggressive panhandler who is new in town and engaging one of my old clients I ran into doing the search. I checked in on his status and gave him a suggestion on advancing his social security. If he can’t follow up might walk him through the application. Nothing changes a life like getting an income.

Mostly though I don’t miss direct service. I am grateful for the successes and I still hear from many. There might be hundreds out there but the dozens I’ve lost still weigh heavily on me when I have the time and stillness to reflect.

Relationships, I’ve had a few this decade. Beautiful, wonderful partners and I have been blessed with love and friendship but I can’t say I still know how to make love laugh.

I’ve started 2 book clubs the Columbia Men’s Book Club which is 8 years and running. It’s a low commitment club for non readers. We’ve read westerns, sci-fi, graphic novels and short stories. We’ve taken field trips and Trevor wrote an arts grant from one of our books and commissioned a map, did 4 radio shows and 2 re-enactments of the Diary of Henry Rowe Schoolcraft. My newer book club the Happy Hour Book Club is another low commitment affair with more relevant literature by diverse authors.

Ironically I’m reading less then I ever have, though probably still a lot. I also built a front yard lending Library.

Early last summer I became an every day bicycle commuter. I was car sharing with John but he wanted have more freedom so he bought me out of the car. Helped me tread water through 2019.

Life changed again with my second re-election campaign which was brutal. I was called a thief and a liar twice a week on the front page of the paper for three months. I also raised and spent a lot of money and really nailed the science of campaigning. I was headed for a big victory anyway when my opponent had a DUI 2 weeks before the election.

The biggest change though was my Uncle, housemate and namesake was dying of cancer. John had been doing a lot of caregiving without me even noticing with business, governance and campaigning. I started to do more and stepped up after the campaign.

John got totally burned out and I moved Uncle Mike into the living room and did caregiving full time. I left the house 7-8 times a week. Business and governance.

It took a lot out of me and put all of the things I’d been throwing my life into in perspective. Death and dying is powerful that way. I took a fallow year in 2019 and laid down my political ambitions.

I still do a lot but not everything. I still want to do something big about affordable housing and desegregating Columbia before I’m done. I have more plans as a civic activist after my mandatory 1 year blackout period where our charter does not allow past members to influence Council.

I’m looking forward to that though, just between you and I constant reader.

I’m also trying to get a friend’s brother out of prison. You’ll see a lot more about that soon. I recorded my spiritual memoirs and am looking to do a philosophy based re-entry program called the Reciprocity Institute. You’ll see more about that in the future as well.

There’s probably other important stuff but 10 years is a long time. I recharged through the holidays. From my Yule Log decade reflection to the seven days of Kwanzaa into the new year I’ve reflected and collaborated and am going to own this decade. I’ve been studying my whole life for this decade and this is when it’s really going to happen. I’m excited to see what comes next….

I wrote this on a Christmas road trip to Death Valley. I’ve done Christmas three times at Death Valley and each was special. A peak experience of family togetherness and the sheer wonder of all that Death Valley has to offer.

I wrote this one in my head and I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten it down in writing. I had been doing career and politics and hadn’t written a thing in years. My life was full and creative so I didn’t miss not writing. I did miss not taking a goodly amount of time for contemplation and self-reflection. I had been used to an hour or so in the morning and an hour or so in the evening reflecting and planning.

But that had all gotten burned away when I became hyper busy and a more organized and disciplined version of myself. My reflections were strategic and purposeful and less about me then I was used to.

On the trip though I quickly felt away and dropped all the day to day stuff I’d been wrestling with and was present. I’d been thinking about a Christmas Carol but might have started this one as a song of gratitude and then grabbed the Carol theme.

Anyway, here it is:

Thank you for looking after fools and drunks

I’ve always tried to do the same

I’ve been doing it since I was a very young man

And I first heard the story why Jesus came.

And Jesus was born in a manger

Born to give hope to the poor

That we all stand equal under the sight of God

And to the kingdom of heaven there is a door,

And to the kingdom of heaven there is a door.

And Jesus spoke of the mustard seed

And fed all who came fish and bread

He taught the common people in parables

He made the wine when his friends were wed,

When Lazarus died he raised the dead.

Jesus walked and talked the way of love

It was the reason that he came

And he told us to raise up disciples

More humble servants to do the same,

More humble servants to do the same.

And Jesus was born in a manger

Come to give hope to the poor

That we all stand equal under the sight of God

And to the kingdom of heaven there is a door,

And to be he kingdom of heaven there is a door.

At the bottom  is an unfinished fragment I found in drafts. I didn’t note the date but it feels like early in my political career. When I had a career and Council life was really crazy. I can’t believe I did it for 4 years. I knew I probably couldn’t handle it when I decided to run but thought it was probably worth it even I could only get in and make a few votes. It’s manageable now but I’ve just been weary of it since Uncle Mike got sick. Caregiving just sucked the joy out of it and it attenuated me to the abuse you have to take to serve well.

I sleep well again, working less. Not tonight. On Council nights I like to nap and drink coffee late. We were out by 9:30 and with the time change it felt like 8:30 but I’m still wired and restless. Not unlike this fragment. I might see what else I have lurking in drafts.

Well here it is:

After laying in bed for an hour or two and not being able to sleep I realize I am not going to. Might as well start the day. I haven’t had a chance to blog, the pace has been not only frenetic, but constant.

Greetings constant reader. I hope you are well. It’s been a good All Saints Day here on Leslie Lane. I’ve been cleaning and organizing my room. Three years of filing and decluttering about done. I have a large furniture thing with drawers and a top where I pile my this and that’s, scrapbook clippings and ephemera and things to be filed. It’s about done and put in organized boxes that will fit under my bed.

I started the project to find Aldous Huxley’s “Island”, which I thought was lost in the pile and I couldn’t come up with it after 2 deep dives. After I cleared the suspected pile I found it on my bookshelf. I remembered stumbling across it and throwing it on the shelf so it wouldn’t get lost in the pile. The travails of hoarders. Glad to have it done nonetheless.

I also fenced my strawberries. I wrote this post to include photos but I need to do some things first apparently. It was a beautiful day much appreciated after the Halloween snow.

I hope you feel loved and have a warm place in your heart for your honored dead like I do. Look for some poetry and more multimedia as I look to do more stuff in this space.

Over seven years ago I made my blog private. I wrote a lot of personal things and didn’t want my sacred things drug through the mud or used as a cudgel to beat me up with as I engaged in local politics. I have had a successful career as a citizen legislator and enjoyed a lot of my experiences. It doesn’t define who I am and I want to pursue other interests. Part of those interests is telling more of my story and I thought attaching my new material to this large body of work I have been accumulating makes sense.

So with a greater commitment to being wholly myself publicly with less concern for the inevitable critics I am going to start blogging again. I have a lot of interesting projects going on and I look forward to sharing them. I also want to be more disciplined about writing more and spending more time on projects that are additive and that I have more passion. I have spent a lot of time responding to events and capitalizing on opportunities as they develop instead of implementing my own agenda. I look forward to a greater emphasis on creativity, spirituality and engaging in the natural world.

Its been a beautiful Fall day. Most Mondays I have a standing gig on a right wing radio show talking mostly about local issues. Its a way for me to engage with folks I might not otherwise hear as much from. After coffee and the news I read over the public hearings and First Reads section of the agenda to anticipate what we would be taking up on the next meeting.

I finished with enough time to grab up some primrose and flea bane flower heads. I have been spreading my extra native wildflower seed over disturbed areas and public right of way in need of more local flowers to help the pollinators. Monarchs migrate south through here fairly late so now that I’ve tricked out my yard I am trying to build up the flowers in the neighborhood.

I became an everyday bicycle commuter again early in the summer and have been riding to almost all my appointments. Its a 5 or 6 mile ride but parts of it are pretty beautiful. It was fun tossing my seed heads in likely spots and riding along. On the Grindstone trail I scared up some deer. Lots of other bikers and some walkers all enjoying the gorgeous day.

It was a good show. The host has been hard on me as we took up a controversial ban of so called gay conversion therapies for youth. Today we mostly just talked sidewalks, sewers and infill development issues.

I finished my left over pho I had made last week for lunch and spent some quality time in my strawberry patch. That’s where my flea bane and primrose had come from as I took out that and some weeds. I cleared the strawberries and also trimmed up the roses and lilacs growing over the path. Next step is to transplant my strawberries that have spread into the path and put up fencing to keep the dogs out.

Fido is telling me he’s finished dinner and is ready to go out so I’ll leave it at that. Looking forward to engaging with readers and sharing more about what I do and what I’m into.

So its been two years since my last post. That post had a year gap. That means my next post is likely to be in four years if present trends continue. “Trend is not Destiny” this bumpersticker in the Earthfirst! Journal said. I’ve been quoting it ever sense. A big finale when I was doing groups.

I read most of the posts I had made since starting politics. April elections are next week, I will be up for my third term in a year. I am still thinking about bringing my bog public. There’s a lot of crazy shit in it. I also feel a little bit like with six years of a record and a successful career helping people that I have a little leeway. I also feel enough is out there to be a dustup anyway so what if its six things or six million things. Haters are going to hate and say you suck regardless.

I quit my day job almost a year ago. Went on vacation to Dominica. Very nice, maybe I’ll do  some posts on it if I get blogging again. My boss had said put it down and don’t think about work. So I did. On the third day sitting on the beach I thought that what I had been doing was crazy. I couldn’t pick that back up. It was all too much and there was just to much of everything flying around. I thought even if I wasn’t always on a tropical beach I was a free human being and could choose to do what I would do.

The stresses of poverty are way less then the stress of two careers. I am happy, doing good work. The bills are paid and I have a little money in the bank. I am blessed beyond imagining. I started my own business. I am a social entrepreneur trying to make a living sharing what I’ve learned on the change process. I lost $28.00 last year, not bad for a partial first year effort. I am trying to make $16,000 this year to earn my Obamacare subsidy.

I get $6,000 for City Council. I may get a part time job. I’ve been looking, being picky, trying not to spend money, enjoying an occasional nap and a 40 hour work week which feels like being a layabout. I started a book, but stalled out. I am going to put something else together easier. Everything is written except an introduction. I’d like to have a product to market some presentations and workshops around. I have a few other things going. Teaching a class on Team Building for high school students with autism. That’ll be fun and a good chance to dig into some pedagogy.

I haven’t been doing any marketing. Wrestling with the consequences of opening my life up to social media. Needs to be done. I think I’ll do it like a bandaid and quit fretting about it and just pull it off. Maybe as early as end of next week. What do you think faithful reader?

Its been more then a year since I wrote a new post. I’m up for re-election and should be campaigning hard. I wasn’t feeling it today and skipped the NAACP dinner and door knocking. Through my dog s birthday brunch. He’s five now. Grayson brought me some homemade maple syrup so I made pancakes. And bacon. And steel cut oats and apple slices so if people didn’t eat healthy it was their choice. Read some poems. I need to post my two new ones I wrote Christmas before last. I miss blogging and introspection. I miss downtime. I miss not being tired all the time.